An Old Lesson from a New Playground: Letting Go
By Susan Oh
Soon after my husband and I had our first child, Joshua, I returned to work on a part-time basis, working a couple days a week. It was tough transitioning into the role of a parent, but to juggle work with it made things that much more difficult. Now as we expect our second child and as I anticipate becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom in the coming year, I take a breath to reflect on the past two hectic years of life...
As you might guess, one of the biggest lessons I learned came from juggling working and mothering. On the two days that I worked, my father, who was retired, took care of Joshua. Yes, you read that correctly. Little did he know that he was taking on the biggest challenge of his life.
As a first time parent and to the eyes of my poor father, I became Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, insecure and second-guessing myself one moment, overly confident and even critical of others the next. Every week I dropped Joshua off with a heavy heart and a list of instructions, both written and verbal, and tried to let go of him for the day. Some days were better than others, but often throughout the workday I called home with all the questions that had been racing through my head all day: Was Joshua getting enough to eat? Was he too hot, too cold? Was he getting too much stimulation? Not enough? Was he sleeping well? As was the case with countless working mothers before me, I struggled with the idea of working at all. I wondered whether I was doing the right thing for my family. After all, wasn't I clearly the best person to be in control of this crazy period of my son's life?
In the last two years my father has become an expert on Joshua, knowing his schedule and habits inside and out. I know I can trust him to take care of my son with skill and excellence while I am not with him. My father even gives me advice when I am struggling with parenting issues. Learning to let go of my instinctive need to be in control was not easy, but it has taught me a lot. In learning to trust someone else to exercise his judgment in the care of my child, I discovered that I had to trust God. I had to believe that whether I felt like I was in control or not, He was always in control. God was watching over my father watching over Joshua.
My father took his duties quite seriously and became very good at it. I learned not to be so anxious, because my heavenly Father is in control, because He is surely worthy of my trust, and because He can take care of things far better than I can. When I was finally able to let go and entrust Joshua to God, I was able to enjoy my time at work and let Joshua's relationship with his grandpa flourish.
Today, although we got off to a rocky start as new parents, our family feels so blessed. Joshua has an extremely close relationship with our extended family, a gift for which we are so thankful. It's something we would not have been able to enjoy if He had not enabled me to let go in trust. But more than that, I am so thankful for the many lessons that God has been teaching me about Himself-that He is in control, that He is worthy of my trust, and that He can take care of Joshua even better than I can. Thank you, Lord.
