Dear Theophilus Archive: March 2002
Lessons from the Playground and beyond
By Rita Bailey
There’s a baby boom at Emmanuel. It started with the Pugsleys and then the Baileys showed up with Julia and a pregnant Rita. Now, the married couples group is experiencing exponential growth. The Baby Room upstairs at Emmanuel can no longer accommodate the number of babies. The new nursery downstairs on a full day is overrun with tiny crawling, walking babies. Our weekly playgroup has split into two groups to meet the needs of the evolving toddlers and new infants. Even our Pastors do not want to be left out. Pastor Steve and Sooj get to enjoy Josiah and soon, Pastor Paul and Janette will introduce us to little Jerome or Sally. Some Emmanuel families are expanding further with their second and third children. Steve and Yanghwa first, then Lina and Dae, and now Hyelee and Mike, along with David and Jane, are getting ready to enter the world of double diaper duty and slightly more daily chaos.
New moms often ask the more seasoned moms to share their experiences, advice, and even baby items. Having the combination of the oldest child at EEC and three children, Emmanuel folks- both parents and non-parents- have often asked how we do it. Others just watch us from afar, fearful, and steer clear when the Bailey clan arrives. So, instead of sharing lessons that Julia, Christian and Sabrina have taught me, I thought I’d try to dispel any myths that I “make it look easy.” Here are my “Top Ten Differences Between #1, #2 and #3”.
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Julia |
Christian |
Sabrina |
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1. Finding out we were pregnant was: a very exciting and pleasant surprise. |
1. Finding out we were pregnant was: a bit sad, nerve-wracking but exciting (I had 3 miscarriages between Julia and Christian) |
1. Finding out we were pregnant was: a shock – an unpleasant, pit-in-your-stomach shock. |
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2. The pregnancy was: wonderful! Gained 30 lbs., didn’t show until the 7th month and truly glowed. |
2. The pregnancy was: full of apprehension and nausea the first trimester and then focused on Julia and moving to Philly the remaining trimesters. |
2. The pregnancy was: a first trimester of throwing up day and night, lots of negative thinking and asking God, “WHY!” |
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3. The labor and delivery lasted more than 48 hrs., had a PROM, epidural, tons of pit, failed vacuum and finally a forceps delivery. That resulted in a 3rd degree tear, PPH and 2 extra days on the mats. (Just get one of the Emmanuel docs to translate that for you – it isn’t pretty). |
3. The labor and delivery occurred on Christmas Day, following an evening of turkey for my family and 14 of their closest friends. 8 hrs. from start to finish, with an epidural in the middle and a touch of pit. To top it off, my OB/GYN was a total babe. |
3. The labor and delivery lasted 4 hrs. once the epidural was placed (I really wanted a natural birth, at least once, but it just wasn’t meant to be.) Blessed to have Dr. Mina Lee (Dr. Mina to our kids) deliver Sabrina and left the hospital under 24 hrs. |
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4. Breastfeeding: Could not do it. Struggled and struggled. Fed her formula for a week (I really did!) and then, it finally worked! 4 weeks later, I was back at work and pumping for the next year or two. |
4. Breastfeeding: A total breeze. He was feeding all the time and pretty much did for years…. |
4. Breastfeeding: Hey, I’ve been either pregnant or nursing for nearly 7 years. What more can I say? |
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5. The early months: Sooo easy. She was the BEST baby. Ate, slept, anywhere, everywhere. Was happy being held by anyone and we had my parents nearby, so we were free every weekend to go to movies, dinner, etc. I couldn’t wait for her to crawl, walk, talk, and grow up. |
5. The early months: Absolutely awful. He was the most annoying, whiny, crying, clingy baby. Didn’t want anyone but mom and I had no support. I was so lonely and depressed. These were the longest 6 months of my life. |
5. The early months: I am so busy with Julia and Christian that I hardly remember I have Sabrina here. She just gets carried around everywhere with me. The time is FLYING by. |
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6. Parenting Philosophy: Read every book, tried every possible trick to get her to sleep through the night. She hated her crib (Steve called it her “cell”); I was so unsure that what I was doing was the best thing for her. |
6. Parenting Philosophy: SURVIVAL. Anything that would keep him from crying. Nothing really worked anyway. |
6. Parenting Philosophy: Attachment parenting; cosleeping; extended nursing – I doubt we have let her cry for longer than few minutes and that’s usually because we are in the bathroom or just can’t get to her right away. |
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7. Baby Equipment: Had the rocking chair, sling, ridiculously expensive crib, jogging stroller, peg perego stroller, huge and fancy high chair, wind-up swing (she LOVED it),exersaucer, every developmentally appropriate toy made (hey, I had a job that paid well and I had to make up for the guilt of working) |
7. Baby Equipment: Same rocker, same crib, new sling, loved the jogging stroller (esp. on those West Philly sidewalks), cheap and easy to clean Ikea high chair, nice, battery-operated swing (he HATED it), toys from Julia. Can’t remember if he really used anything else. I was sleep deprived and cranky. |
7. Baby Equipment: Same rocker (why have a crib when none of my children really used it?), same high chair, bouncy seat (just so she wouldn’t be on the floor for Christian to step on), swing (she was over the weight limit before we could really use it), hand-me down toys, SLING, magazines, mail and other paper products – Sabrina likes gnawing on paper. |
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8. Photos and Video: We have 3 full albums of her first year of life, 14 hours of unedited video of her first three months (when they are doing NOTHING). We thought she was the most beautiful baby in the world. Sent 100 pictoral birth announcements. If you have seen her baby pics, you’d know how frightening that was. |
8. Photos and Video: Lots of photos, but very few with him in them by himself. Just about all of them are with Julia – her smiling and him crying. That improved in his second year of life. |
8. Photos and Video: Very few photos. Hard to take them when she’s in the sling and I’m the photographer! Some video, but not as much as we should have. I was going to use one of Julia’s photo albums for hers, but then Sabrina got a Cindy Crawford mole and so it would only work if I doctored them. |
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9. Work: Worked full-time, juggled daycare, Steve stayed at home, my mom helped out. |
9. Work: Started work when he was 8 months old. Full time nights. Totally insane. Was a useless parent in the day and the strain on our marriage was enormous. |
9. Work: Usually work one shift a week, sometimes less. So much more manageable and I still feel like I am a full-time stay at home mom. |
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10. One of God’s Lessons: Julia was God’s most precious gift to us. No matter how much we messed up, He gave us a resilient, easy-going, extroverted, warm and loving child who helped keep our lives Christ-centered. The Lord knew exactly what we could handle and never tested us more than that. 99% of the time, she is really the ideal baby/toddler/child. Praise God! |
10. One of God’s Lessons: I prayed for a second baby so much – because Julia wanted a brother so badly and because I had miscarried so often. I was totally unprepared for the difficult transition of having a second baby with little support (Steve was in his 1st year of dental school so he was under his own stress). God gave me a baby, but such a difficult one. It was only when my heart could truly be thankful, that Christian seemed to become this great kid. |
10. One of God’s Lessons: Sabrina is my initially unwelcome baby – I only wanted two! But now she is my greatest blessing. God has finally given me the opportunity to understand what it is to just love and enjoy a baby without wishing they would reach their next milestone, worry if I am doing it right, or cry because they are so demanding. Every little thing Sabrina does gives me such unbelievable happiness. It took a third child for me to find peace as a mom. |
