Dear Theophilus:: May 2003

Tough Love

Talk about tough. Talk about love. The two words that come to mind when I think of those bratty, loud, passionate, adorable kids in Quo Vadis. Coming back from the Teen Vision retreat in March confirmed my belief that God has challenged me with something new. At the retreat I was able to get a good sense of what these kids were all about, because believe it or not, they're a little better than I had thought. What I pictured were kids that showed absolutely no obedience whatsoever, so when they actually listened to me when I said "let's go play some basketball," I was actually kind of proud of myself. Not only because they got to the courts before I could even finish my sentence, but because when they play basketball they work together as a team and strive towards a common goal. Not really, but that's only because they're still little boys that want to show you that they can break your ankles!

Then comes nightfall. Can you say restless?? One thing about the guys is that they get louder and louder until the point right before they sleep when they decide to turn on the mute and crash. I must have fallen asleep telling them to go to sleep, and this was just a glimpse of how it was going to be like for the next two days; my telling them to stop doing something, and that only causing them to do it more. I thought I had seen some disobedient kids before in my life, but never had my patience been tested to this degree. That first night, Jamar, somewhat seeing my struggle, even asked me, "Why are you here?" I asked God that same question.

Well it turns out that by the time the retreat had come to a close, He had surely answered my question. It didn't come in the most expected way but through the kids themselves. In the kids I saw so much inner love for one another even as they exhibited the inter-critical attitude so characteristic of the inner-city youth across the nation. According to black intellectual Michael Eric Dyson, this attitude arises in an attempt to improve one another and offer critical feedback only to build each other up and strengthen one another for what the everyday struggle brings them. As a result, all I found myself wanting to do was "outlove" them and show them that there is a greater love that never fails, because as one of my kids put it, "Love?? Maybe between me and my mom, but nothing much besides that." It was then I knew that God had called me to show these kids something they don't see much of…a pure and perfect love reflected in Christ Jesus and to show them that someone outside of their families actually does want to be with them and share in their happiness. But it's tough for them given the type of images they are surrounded by and strive to be, and also tough for us to trust in a love that goes beyond what they display on the outside but to what they hold in the inside. Which is a lot of love; a love they can turn towards God. And through our friendly fights and small talks, God has revealed to me that I can approach the situation in the same manner and love these kids in the name of God.

Definitely this is something new to me. I've worked with kids in the past, but Korean kids are a bit different from inner-city West Philly kids. Toughness in the past had always been easily matched by simple words of authority or parental notification. And I felt as if I could have done the same at the retreat by simply banning my boys from any type of free time, but for some reason, I felt a further purpose that the relationship goes beyond that to the point where I match that disobedience and outright image-playing attitude with an equal and even greater amount of acceptance and love. All this in hopes of answering their question of my being with them through one simple, powerful commandment I follow even when it seems like the hardest thing to do: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the more reason to love and embrace and reach out to those God has blessed me with the honor of serving!