Dear Theophilus:: May 2003

My Second Adolescence

(A journey into young adulthood)

I shared my first Christian testimony, as a new believer, ten years ago. It was about how up and down the experience had been. The pastor approached me afterwards and said: "When you start out Christian life, you will feel like you are on a roller coaster; a retreat, and you are soaring, and then one week after, you come plunging down. But after awhile, the roller coaster starts to steady and you will be coasting along."

This story comes to mind because I use it as a reference these days. It has been a decade now, and I have felt like an awkward teenager again. I have dubbed these first years out of college as "the second adolescence." I have never felt more out of place and unsure about what to do with myself than I do now, as a young adult.

Many people ask me how young adult life is going. At first, I gave the expected, "it's hard," answer, but now I always come out with a resounding, "it's great!" Of course, it took time. It took going through "the second adolescence."

After graduating from Penn (and Emmanuel!), I went to live in France for a year, as an English teacher. I looked forward to living out the romantic life that "a year in France" implies. To my disappointment, I found that life in France was the same as life anywhere else. While people had visions of me swinging from the Eiffel tower with my newfound French beau, I really spent a lot of time doing the everyday things, and wondering when I would see American soil again. Yet, one thing remained solid and true. My God.

God knows that I have a heart for adventure. I could not wait for my time abroad, and yet when I was sorely disappointed with the reality of my reverie, God showed Himself. The times when I was intensely homesick and longing for a familiar face, God showed me and gave me more of Himself. He showed me who I was, and then overwhelmed me with who He was.

I was glad to be on the flight back home to New Jersey. I never thought I would say that, but I was. I quickly settled into life here, but I also knew that it would be humdrum. I would be living at home, driving my suburban car, shopping at mini-malls; my adventurous heart prepared for another disappointment. And what did God do during this time? He reminded me that life was life, as it had been in France, and it would be here. He showed me that I have a fickle heart, and then overwhelmed me with Himself.

This past year, I have been a French teacher at a junior high school in NJ. I braced myself for the ordinary of the ordinaries, but God has been opening my eyes to Him. He has been showing me that wherever I go, and whatever I do, the places and times do not matter, but the fact that He is there with me does matter. Everyday, I have been learning to discover the pockets of joy that have always been there, but that I have been blind to see. He has been showing me that even if I live in NJ for the rest of my life, and never make it to the mission field, it would not matter, because God is with me. And for the first time, I understand that, and I am thankful!

So, why did that distant memory come to mind? It comes to mind because our second adolescence really is a time when God wants us to become sure of ourselves. I doubted many things, especially myself, but God turns our eyes to him and says these things of Himself.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint. -Isaiah 40:28-31

I am so thankful that God's word is everlasting. One of the reasons why I love young adulthood is because it is so real. When I fall, it really hurts, but when God picks me up, He is real. And I find that as I keep stumbling about, God keeps showing himself faithful, and that's why the roller coaster feels like it is evening out. It is not because life is getting easier because it is not. Rather, our all-powerful God is proving His faithfulness over and over, and I am doubting less and less in His goodness. My perspective has changed. Before I used to look at the roller coaster from the passenger seat, and the ups and downs were frightening. Now I like to look down with the eyes of my Father, and see that in perspective, all that matters is that I am with Him and He is with me. I am learning to trust, and it is only getting better.