Dear Theophilus:: May 2003

Confessions from the Potter's Workshop

by Dan Hyun

Giving myself away to others sounds like such a noble deed
Not too difficult to imagine the kindness that people need.
Proper to respond to goodness that's been showered down on me
Thinking about His love and grace that's allowed me to be set free.

But to tell the truth it's hard at times to show this love to others.
So many barbs prick my soul causing me to ask why bother?
Truths exposed within my heart I've tried to take in stride
Yet honest harshness of these truths reveals a darker side.

Painful wounds ooze from my heart in feeling so alone
Loneliness coils around my heart slowly turning it to stone.
Ironic how one can be around so many at one time
Yet even among the busiest throng be as voiceless as a mime.

Of course it's true one found in Him will never be forsaken
And for His own, there remains a love that will ever not be taken.
But the honest truth beating in my heart is a desire to be loved
As much by someone of this earth as by my Father up above.

At other times critical poison seems to be the only thing I hear
Serving to confirm the enemy's lies that are whispered in my ear.
"There you go again. Messing up. Can't do anything but fail.
Never gonna make it as anything, might as well just bail."

Insecurities rush and flood my heart - want to run away and hide.
Need to leave all the failures behind. Go bury my head and cry.
But the smile remains glued on my face despite the haunting fears.
No one can know my weaknesses. Can shed only silent tears.

Looking in my eyes, can they see the dark habits I still have yet to change?
How can I give to any soul when at times I feel so deranged?
What if they discover all my skeletons and find the real me?
Alas, even in my own life it's from me that I want to flee.

I know that one can only love by opening up the heart.
But I'm so scared of exposing myself to the poison darts.
Protect. Conceal. Cover. Mask. Put on the pretty face.
Driving myself insane trying to keep up this maddening pace.

But then above the rising chaos, I hear a gentle voice.
Loving, kind, compassionate. Offering another choice.
Continue to try to love on the strength alone of my will
Or quietly surrender to His love. Bow my head, be still.

And with head bowed, amazing thing, start to feel my heart sway.
Loneliness, insecurity, inadequacy all slowly cast away.
Hurts in my heart destroying my love replaced with the love of Christ
And Love stirring a heart for others that was beginning to be like ice.

Giving myself away to others is still not so easily done
And this is surely always the case when depending on my love alone.
But in those times of loving alone, I look to my Lord's Word and confess
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."