Dear Theophilus Archive: October 2002

Desperately Seeking

Desperately Seeking was walking the streets of Center City, perplexed and confused. He had a foggy sense that something was wrong, but no clear idea what it could be. He crossed a street, dodging oncoming traffic, and entered a coffee shop. The café wasn’t very large: there were about a half dozen tables. Finding an empty table at the far end of the café, he sat down and started thinking about his life. He felt really down. Suddenly extreme sadness and despair came upon his heart. He started to think about being hateful and being hated by others. He thought about his lusts: sex, materialism, and ego. Then he considered ending it all, since these things only caused grief in his life. Then he heard a strange voice.

“Hello, may I sit here with you? All the seats are occupied.”

“Why, sure,” Desperately Seeking replied.

“I am from out of town, here on business, and I have some time to kill before I fly out. It looked like you were thinking about something. My name is Squeezer, and I am in the consulting business. What is your name and what is your profession, if I may ask?”

“My name is Desperately Seeking and I work in a café out in the west of the city. What kind of consulting do you do?”

“I consult people with their dilemmas, whether it be personal or professional. This might be a little personal, but what were you thinking about before I came by?”

“Stuff I can’t really make out. Things I’m going through in my life, I guess.”

“Your career? Your relationship with others? After many years of doing this work, I have come to the conclusion that all human problems are basically the same, they just come in different forms.”

“Well, since you ask… All day I have been walking around town thinking about the meaning and purpose of my existence. I thought I had this all figured out when I became a Christian, that I would live my life for the glory of God, that my earthly life was only temporary anyway. But I feel like justice has not been done in my life. There is still much pain that I cannot let go of. And why should I? For Him? I have so many hang ups from attending church. I want to abandon my faith and live for myself, but something is holding me back. Is this making any sense to you?”

“Sure it does” Squeezer replied. “As I have told you, all human problems are very similar; they just come in different forms. I am not an authority in Christian religion, but the little that I know about this religion and pretty much all religions is that God wants His people to be happy. If His people are not happy, then He is not happy. If you feel that you are sacrificing too much of yourself or shortchanging yourself in order to live according to your religious duties, then you are not living your life to the fullest. There is no human desire that is not pre-approved by God. Hunger, thirst, and sexual desire: these are but basic instincts of human survival. Accept that you are who you are due to the work of His hands.”

“Hmmm. I did not think of it that way. You may have something there.”

Desperately Seeking was starting to feel rather enlightened by Squeezer’s insights when a man wearing a T-shirt and dirty jeans approached the table at which the two men were sitting.

“Hello. I couldn’t help overhearing you guys talking about Christianity. I am not a pastor or anything, but I did study some Christianity back when I was pledging for my present position. Do you mind if I join you, gentlemen?”

“Not at all. Do you, Squeezer?”

“No, not at all. The more the merrier.”

“Thank you.”

“I am Desperately Seeking, and this gentleman is Squeezer. What is your name?”

“My name is Orbitor. I am in town for business. My flight is in the evening and I wanted to check out the city before I left.”

“Squeezer is also in town for business. What line of business are you in?”

“I’m in consulting, I consult people with their problems. It’s not a permanent position, but you have to be in a special circle to do what I do. Now going back to what you were talking about, I believe Desperately Seeking is struggling with his Christian faith. Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I think I know what your problem is, and I have a very simple solution for you.”

“Oh, is that so? Squeezer has also shared some insights into my problems and how to rectify them, but I am open to more suggestions.”

“Yes, God wants his people to be happy, that is absolutely true, but in His own divine will, a person will find happiness only if that person possesses God.”

“Possesses God? Figuratively or literally?” Desperately Seeking was confused.

“Literally. When you possess something that you treasure, whatever that may be, it is deeply rooted in your heart. Your wife, for instance. If you really love someone and if she is very important to you, you will want to possess her in your heart. You will think about her often and your heart will skip a beat when you think of her. Same way if you possess God, you will have joy and happiness.”

“How do I come to possess God? Do I ask him?”

“You will come to possess Him when you experience how much God loves you in Christ. Only through Jesus can you possess Him. The reason there is an inherent human desire for love is because the human soul is in a state of poverty. How can a beggar ask you for food when you yourself are a beggar? Only God can truly love us. His love is real, and those who are born of Him have reflections of His love in their hearts. If you want true happiness, then love the One who can give life.

“But my sins are so dark and shameful. How can I go before the Holy One and ask to possess Him?

“Look, as I said before, God’s love does not diminish because of your mistakes. God esteems those who are meek and humble in their hearts. God knows it is impossible for you to obey Him by your own efforts. Only through His mercy and power can you obey. If your desire is to obey Him and seek Him, then you will find love in His presence.” Desperately Seeking felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from his heart. You have given me new hope and a new perspective about what’s important in life. Thank you.”

“You are going to listen to him, just like that?! Don’t be ashamed, your desires are part of your human instincts. Go for them!” Squeezer was adamant.

“Pardon me, but I need to leave. I have some catching up to do with my first love.” Desperately Seeking excused himself and left the café. He did not see the two strangers again, but he never forgot their conversation.