Dear Theophilus:: September 2003
The Miracle of Life
by Grace Hyun
"Honey, I see two lines but one of them is so faint. I'm not really sure," I told my husband Joe with disbelief, as he anxiously waited outside our bathroom door last January. That's how it all began. As I look back on the adventure of the past seven months, I can see that it has been a true blessing to experience this new joy -- feeling God's hands delicately creating this new life inside of me. Yet, part of this blessing has come through tough lessons.
In early June, Joe and I visited the doctor for our five-month ultrasound examination. During the exam, we were overjoyed to see the baby wave, suck its thumb, and even do a backstroke. After the test, however, the doctor asked us to step into his office to discuss the results. Although he assured us that our baby was healthy, he explained that there was a problem that would need to be monitored closely: Our baby's umbilical cord was missing an artery -- a condition known as Single Umbilical Artery (SUA). He explained the possible complications, which include chromosomal disorders, dysfunctions of the heart or kidney, and low birth weight.
As we left the office, we were in a state of shock, unable to believe what we had just heard. As soon as we came home, I went to the computer to research SUA. As I browsed various websites, I could not help imagining the worst, and my tears began streaming down uncontrollably. I felt so helpless, knowing there was NOTHING I could do except wait and see what would happen.
That night, Joe and I sang some songs to the Lord and struggled to pray. One particular song, "I Have a Maker," reminded us that God was in control and that our baby's life was in His hands. As I prayed, I didn't know what to say so I just told God how emotionally exhausted and confused I was. I also asked Him to help me trust Him and believe that He is sovereign. Then, Joe and I each wrote a letter to our baby. The following is from my letter: "…We're struggling to have faith in God trusting that He is sovereign and taking care of you. It's not like He doesn't know you have one artery instead of two! My little one, though I don't even know your name yet, I feel so much closer to you today. I thank God for that. You are all the more precious not only in His sight but also in ours. We love you so much already and can't wait to see you…"
Since that night of confusion, tears, and struggling to trust our Father, he has truly helped us through this difficult time in many ways. He gave us a verse, Philippians 4:6-7, to encourage us to keep praying, reminding us that He is in control of ALL things and never makes a mistake. We have tangibly felt the peace of God that transcends all understanding guard our hearts and minds. We have also been blessed by brothers and sisters who have prayed for our baby and cried with me as I struggled to trust in God.
From the beginning, God made sure I understood why He was allowing me to endure this -- because He loved me and wanted me to grow in my faith. As a pediatric nurse, I have seen many chronically sick children. So, from the very beginning of the pregnancy, I have struggled with doubting God's power to make all things possible. This experience has rebuked me and taught me to trust His provision for my baby's health. After revealing to me my lack of faith, He placed me in a situation where I had to learn to trust Him alone.
We have also learned about His love. Until learning of our baby's condition, Joe and I had never prayed for, thought about, or loved our baby so much… more in the past few weeks than in the first five months combined! We sensed that God loved us too much to allow us to continue our pregnancy without really praying for our baby and preparing our hearts to be parents. Also, as my heart has gone out for my baby after learning of her weakness, I have been reminded of our Father's heart for His children who come before Him inadequate but in utter need of His loving presence.
Almost three months have passed since that ultrasound. Recently, we went back for our seven-month ultrasound to see how our baby is developing. It showed that she is growing well (in the 75th percentile)…and we found out we are having a baby girl!! We did not take the good news for granted for we sensed our Father's faithfulness over the previous eight weeks. Every movement and measurement of our baby testified to God's loving handiwork. I know that until our baby is born, the doctors will need to continually monitor her growth. But even though I still worry sometimes, I've learned to approach each visit with humility and gratitude. I'm learning to depend on God and trust in His love and faithfulness through our baby. Joe and I are eagerly anticipating the day when we'll finally meet our baby girl. It will be a day of celebrating God's love and faithfulness. The following was written to our baby on the day of our repeat ultrasound:
"…The Lord gave us a verse yesterday in Hebrews: 'Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid.' We found strength to find faith in God as we approached today's ultrasound. Our Father is in control and is lovingly taking care of you, better than we can or what anything medical science can do. We've been praying for you that God would not only form your heart physically, but also spiritually so that one day you'd come to know and love Him personally. Our little one, know that we love you so much and are eagerly anticipating the day when we'll see your beautiful face and hold your precious little frame in our arms. We've been enjoying feeling you kicking and punching everyday and reminded of the life God is growing in mommy's womb. We are praying for you little one and we'll see you soon! We love you so much."
